I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
