Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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