First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
