My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
