it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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