hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize