I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dear god my vagina.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
