Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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