my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize