Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
