I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
