theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
