just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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