Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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