you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
