ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
