just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
