You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
