MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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