Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
