When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
