I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
