how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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