I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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