i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I won the penis lottery.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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