so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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