We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
