Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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