i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
