I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
