woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
