wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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