Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
