Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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