Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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