____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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