Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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