And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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