last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
