so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
