So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love having hate sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
