Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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