I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
