32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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