so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
