Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
