I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
