My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
