dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
