Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
