So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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