You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
