I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
