2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
