I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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