I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
