Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
