And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
