The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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