First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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