btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
