I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
