She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
