I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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