id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
