fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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