i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
