so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
And then he peed in my hair
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