I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
