we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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