Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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