My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's always time for handjobs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
