he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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