Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
