i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
