so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
