you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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