Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
