I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
