Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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